Hump Day

Back at work this morning. Tired as usual. Although waking up this morning was better than usual. =]

So I'm thinking about changing my lifestyle a little bit. Nothing too dramatic. Nothing too crazy. Baby steps to a better, more improved me. Diets don't work. Everyone says it, but I am living proof. I tell myself to eat better, work-out, etc. But the next time I pass a McDonald's I start craving the same ol' things. So why deprive myself?? I love junk. But, as I'm slowly coming to realize, I love me more. I need to do these things for me. So I can be happy in my own skin. Confident in who I am. There are a lot of things that need changed in my life. But today I think I'm just going to start with this one amendment to my life...I will drink water. That's it. Water. No soda, no ice tea, no milk. Water.

Now I'm not a saint, I will definitely be going out this weekend and you can find me with more in my hand that a bottle of Dasani. But sitting here at work, I don't need to be guzzling down 2 Mt. Dew's and a few cups of apple juice. No, I'm drinking water....Easy enough right??

Growing Up??

Saturday night was so much fun. I have missed my twin and soul mate Lona! While out at Cantina I was struck by a thought....I'm 21. 21. 21.21. 21.2.1.12.1.2.12.1.2.1.2.12.1.21.21....so weird.

I remember when I was around 15 and I had envisioned this plan for my life. It went a little something like this. I was going to graduate valedictorian of my high school. Head off to Harvard. After completing my bachelors I was to get an internship with some great company and move to NYC while completing my masters. I was going to be married by 25 and have two babies by the time I was 30. One boy and one girl obviously. And yes...I even had the names planned out.

So where am I now? 6 years after this well-conceived plan I am trying to figure out where I'm going to be living as of June 30th. I am no where near my diploma because I change my mind about my degree every 5 minutes. And as for the impeding nuptials?? I can't seem to keep a man in my life for more than a week....seems like my life is in the toilet.

Au contrair... I have never felt more alive than I have in this couple weeks. I know it sounds strange but I feel like I have this weight lifted off my shoulders as I realize to myself....I'M 21! Wow. I have my whole life to find what I want to do. I have my whole life to move around and see the world. I have my whole life to find love.

So thank you Lona for reminding me that I can forgive myself for doing stupid things like get incredibly drunk the night before I have to be at work at 7am and that being single is not a curse. Does this mean I'm finally growing up? Not caring what other people think of me? Finally feeling good about who I am right now, in this moment? Maybe...I just pray this insight lasts for more than a few euphoric hours. =]

Park of Roses

Tired, tired, tired. That's about all I can think about this morning. Had so much trouble getting out of bed. Thank goodness for a wonderful co-worker who stayed an hour after so I could sleep in a little...I owe you! =]

So yesterday was awesome. I was driving around and saw this house for sale. It is absolutely stunning. Too bad I'm only 21 and I don't have a measly $250,000 laying around. After my daydreaming I went to the park of roses and walked along the creek and climbed up in the woods. Sometimes when I'm alone like that, I feel humbled by the world and all the beauty it can hold. As cheesy as it sounds, I feel closest to God when I'm out exploring like that. It was definitely one of my favorite days I've had recently.

Back to work.... =(

Where to begin??

So this whole world of blogging is still a little lost on me. I mean I was a child in the age of XANGA, but besides writing a minute-by-minute account of my day and rambling on about how "in love" I was with whatever boy it was I was dating at the time, it never even came close to being a release for me. This, I hope, will be.

So why now? Well its pretty simple. I'm lost. I have no idea who I am, where I want to be, and what I want to do when I get there. I know, I know, I'm 21... what do I have to worry about right?? It'll all figure itself out. But for some reason I can't let that be enough for me. I want a plan. I want to feel something. But lately, I've felt a whole lot of nothing.

So this is me. Just a simple, stupid young girl trying to figure out which way to turn and who I am becoming. So anyone who might be reading this, probably just me, enjoy the journey! I'm sure I will!