Growing Up??

Saturday night was so much fun. I have missed my twin and soul mate Lona! While out at Cantina I was struck by a thought....I'm 21. 21. 21.21. 21.2.1.12.1.2.12.1.2.1.2.12.1.21.21....so weird.

I remember when I was around 15 and I had envisioned this plan for my life. It went a little something like this. I was going to graduate valedictorian of my high school. Head off to Harvard. After completing my bachelors I was to get an internship with some great company and move to NYC while completing my masters. I was going to be married by 25 and have two babies by the time I was 30. One boy and one girl obviously. And yes...I even had the names planned out.

So where am I now? 6 years after this well-conceived plan I am trying to figure out where I'm going to be living as of June 30th. I am no where near my diploma because I change my mind about my degree every 5 minutes. And as for the impeding nuptials?? I can't seem to keep a man in my life for more than a week....seems like my life is in the toilet.

Au contrair... I have never felt more alive than I have in this couple weeks. I know it sounds strange but I feel like I have this weight lifted off my shoulders as I realize to myself....I'M 21! Wow. I have my whole life to find what I want to do. I have my whole life to move around and see the world. I have my whole life to find love.

So thank you Lona for reminding me that I can forgive myself for doing stupid things like get incredibly drunk the night before I have to be at work at 7am and that being single is not a curse. Does this mean I'm finally growing up? Not caring what other people think of me? Finally feeling good about who I am right now, in this moment? Maybe...I just pray this insight lasts for more than a few euphoric hours. =]